july 9 gru
I read a super good @andsoluke comic on Instagram today and it made me think about all the things I didn't know when I was a kid and all the things I knew but didn't understand when I was a kid and all the things I understood one way when I was a kid but which morphed and evolved over time. My conception of love, say. When you're a kid, love really only means one or two things. When you're an adult, love means a lot of other things on top of those few things.
A thing I have said/written a lot lately is that every new thing you learn impacts and/or affects everything you knew before, and that when you integrate new things (ideas, experiences, facts, knowledge, whatever), your entire past changes. It gets subtly rewritten and your memories get subtly recontextualized. Your ideas about yourself and the world around you change, and sometimes even evolve. In short, you acquire more context as you age, and that context helps you understand old experiences more full. That process of understanding invariably sets you up to pursue future experiences and eschew others.
If you're young and you're reading this, don't let anyone convince you that getting older sucks. It doesn't. It rules. But because it rules, and because it is inevitable, people try to attach other things to it. And to you. And to your process.
We've all been told some version of "you'll understand when you're older." Tonight, over some great little bites at El Chino, my partner and I discussed a related idea some fuckhead tries to convince you of when you're young —— especially if you're a young, energetic progressive. The idea is that "you'll get more conservative as you age," or, more bluntly, "you'll be conservative when you're older." A variation on this idea is "if you're not a liberal when you're young, you have no heart; if you're not a conservative when you're older, you have no brain." I've also heard the version that finishes "...you have no money."
These things aren't said as much as they're spat. It's a code. They're saying you're stupid and immature and don't get hOw ThE wOrLd rEaLLy works but that it's okay because one day you will be an smooth-brained middle-aged husk of a person who doesn't give a fuck and doesn't know why anyone else would either.
I get why people say this kind of thing, but I have never understood why they parrot this line and carry this water because, like, it just isn't true. Truth is situational and political, yes, but I have never, ever wanted to be conservative in a political/social way. Not for one day. Not for one hour. Moreover, every single friend or family member who has aged this way or in this direction seems really sad, empty, and conflicted.
I didn't plan on writing this kind of thing tonight but it's been on my mind lately. You can't live a day on this goddamned planet without watching the United States destroy itself in real time.
Sorry for the lack of flow and cohesion.
🌲 gonna
🌼 go trawl online marketplaces
🌱 touch because I want to buy a new
🌳 grass digital recorder
🌷 now
Be good to yourself.
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