january 27 foh
Finally the door opened. It was a shock to see him shuffling into the room like an ageing prizefighter, limping, beaten, but it was later when the great man squinted into the bitter glow of twilight and muttered simply, "It means nothing, all of it nothing," that the true shock came. It was then that the boy understood that his hero's true injuries lay hidden in a darker place, his heart. His heart once capable of inspiring others so completely, could no longer inspire so much as itself. It beat now only out of habit, it beat now only because it could.
If you've seen or read Wonder Boys, you know this line. I saw the movie before reading the book way back whenever and when I first heard that line it felt like a scorpion's sting as I had also been let down by my heroes. A few years later I read the book and the line hit again because by then I had seen grand men shrink into bitterness, and then nothingness. I dove into Michael Chabon's bibliography headfirst. I wanted to find more lines like that, and I eventually did —— although not in The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, the Pulitzer Prize-winner (which left me cold), but rather in another coming-of-age story that was also made into a movie: The Mysteries of Pittsburgh.
Sidebar: I make no apologies for what I like. I did a lit degree at McGill which means I had to read three books a week for four years —— and not one of them was made into a Michael Douglas movie.
At any rate, today I was thinking about books, which led to thinking about books I read at just the right time (and a few I read at precisely the wrong time —— thanks for nothing, Henry Rollins). I was lucky to have picked up Microserfs in 1995 or so when I was in high school. That book made me hopeful about the world and my place in it, and, moreover, helped me imagine a future in which my close friends were something more like family.
The first time I met Douglas Coupland I told him all that and he smiled and I can't remember what he said back but I know it was kind. I was really struggling back then. I was sad and mad and stuck and broken all the time and because I was young I was also stupid. The first time I met Coupland was at Blue Met in some part of some hotel that wasn't quite the lobby but wasn't quite not the lobby. Chuck Barris was nearby signing copies of Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, which George Clooney had recently made into a movie. Manic energy radiated off of that guy like whoa. I had never gotten a book signed by its author and as such didn't know how to comport myself, so I erred on the side of meekness. I patiently waited in line. I gently handed him my dogeared copy of Microserfs. He asked me what my name was and I fumbled it. I said something that sounded like "I be, uh, I mean, I'm Dave" and he laughed and then he signed my book "he be Dave." That copy is in my mom's garage. The copy I have in my home now is a hardcover first edition that my ex bought me (for my 40th birthday, if memory serves).
I haven't finished writing my 2026 resolutions, but two things I absolutely know are going to be on it are "read more books" and "spend less time talking to Americans."
That second one is dynasty basketball related, and not about anyone who would ever read this blog. Sorry not sorry, Pat. You're stuck with me.
🌲 gonna
🌼 go
🌱 touch
🌳 grass sleep
🌷 now
Be good to yourself.
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