february 6 kyc
When you string a bunch of good days together you are putting distance between you and the defining trauma of your life. When you get enough days, you start seeing the world in new and interesting ways. If you are an overly nostalgic type, there's only one day and it lasts forever.
I used to live that one day and forever lasted about two decades. Everything over those two decades was a reaction or a reaction to a reaction, ripples in a shallow puddle destined to go nowhere and mean nothing. Everything was about clinging to ideas and ideals that weren't necessarily bad as much as they were outdated. Clothes that didn't fit. Strategies that didn't lose but also didn't win.
Way back whenever, Chuck Palahniuk put the words "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything" into Tyler Durden's throat and the dumbest and loneliest boys you know thought reciting it made them deep and tough. I wasn't one of them. That movie isn't about being tough, it's about realizing what prison is. Some people think Fight Club is about self-destruction, about purification through pain, about stoicism, about asceticism, about reclaiming a certain kind of masculinity. And to them it is. Because they're trapped in the one day that lasts forever. The one day that lasts forever is the prison.
A thing I always think about when Fight Club comes up in conversation is that a former friend of mine borrowed my Fight Club DVD in like 2008. He'd never seen it. On the day he returned it, he expressed his concerns about my mental state as he thought I was flirting with black-bloc style anarchism because I liked a movie that explored various aspects of modern masculinity. It was dad-coded concern, and it made me think less of him. I was friends with this dude for like 20 years and yet he didn't really know me at all as much as he had an idea of who I might be. I am in this moment reminded me of that banger of a G.B. Shaw line from Man and Superman:
The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor: he took my measure anew every time he saw me, whilst all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me.
Speaking of clothes, I am strongly considering buying this "suit" and wearing it a) buttoned and b) shirtless to a wedding. (Not yours, FS —— I've already promised you pastels.)
🌲 gonna zzzzzzz
🌼 go zzzzzzzzzzz
🌱 touch zzzzz
🌳 grass zzzzzz
🌷 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Be good to yzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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