april 23 fsb
Taylor Kirk died ten days ago. I just found out. I didn't know what to do with this information so I started listening to Timber Timbre's Creep On Creepin' On. I didn't know what to do with this information except think about how Kirk was 44 when he passed.
When I was a kid and someone died in their forties, some adult around me would say something like "such a shame, so young" and I would think "what the fuck are you talking about, 40 is ancient!" Then I got older. A guy from my second high school was killed by a drunk driver. He was 19. I was 17. Then a guy from my first high school. He was in China traveling and had an asthma attack and didn't have the right medication nearby. There were others. There will always be others.
When I turned 40 I understood. You're 40 in some computer, but in your heart, in your soul, you're like 22. You've figured some shit out. You've fallen in love. You've had your heart broken. You've broken a heart. You've won, lost, tied, and quit. You've compromised your values a few times and learned, first hand, what that feels like. And so on. I'm turning 48 in a month and a half and I feel better than I have in my whole life. Not literally, obviously. My hips, knees, and back hurt all the time, and if I read the word "coffee" after 3pm I am up until dawn. I'm turning 48 in a month and a half and Taylor Kirk, whose songs were so wonderfully weird and yet totally accessible, will never get to do that. He should have been allowed to. So young. Such a shame.
Choons:
🎵🎵 Timber Timbre, "Creep On Creepin' On"
This will always be my favourite Timber Timbre song. It's spooky, creepy, sad, funny, horny, lonely, pathetic, sneering, and honest all at the same time.
🎵🎵 Timber Timbre, "Bad Ritual"
As I've mentioned a handful of times, I used to have a problem with alcohol. Drinking was my bad ritual. After I quit drinking, I thought about the other things I may had been doing unconsciously in a ritualistic fashion. I came up with a list. The list was wholly uninteresting, or, rather, should have been, but when you actually take a step back and look at everything, you are more able to see patterns, habits, and yes, rituals. And you're more able to change them.
🎵🎵 Timber Timbre, "Black Water"
This song feels like a prayer. This song feels like a prayer being prayed by someone who yearns for forgiveness and yet knows he doesn't deserve it. We all deserve a little bit of forgiveness, I think. Even if we don't.
🌲 gonna
🌼 go watch
🌱 touch some
🌳 grass hoops
🌷 now
Wees lief voor jezelf.
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