advice from a 47-year-old
Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 47. 🎈🎈🎈
When I was 40, and again when I was 42, I wrote long posts that coincided with reaching those respective birthdays. The idea behind both was something like "I've gotten this far, let me tell you what I know." The format was similar for both of them: "40 things I've learned," "42 pieces of advice," blah blah blah.
I never posted either of them because I never really posted much of my writing (except for things I was paid to write) by which I mean I barely ever finished writing things I started by which I mean I've needed medicine to make my head work properly for 35 years and only got it seven months ago.1
Compared to 40 ("Life begins at 40!) and 42 (the "Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything!"), 47 doesn't mean anything. It's not a _0 or a _5 birthday, and turning 47 has no cultural significance in the way that turning 16, 18, 19, or 21 does. It's just a number. As such, the day after I turned 47 seems like a perfect time to post an actual "I've gotten this far, let me tell you what I know" piece —— but it won't be 47-items long because ain't nobody got time for that.
Here goes:
🫵🏽🫵🏽 It's not about you. This means everything and is applicable to everything. A lot of success relies on understanding what this means.
📈📈 Compound effect is real. Compounding isn't just a money thing. If you work on things (exercise, skills, friendships) consistently over time you'll get big results. Consistency > intensity.
❤️😐 Being kind ≠ being nice. In re: other people, figure this out as soon as you can. You could be devoting your time and energy to someone who knows all the right tones to use but who wouldn't cross the street to piss on you if you were on fire. In re: you, try to be both, but remember that being kind doesn't always mean being nice. To a certain degree, kindness is justice and niceness is order.2
🧘🏽🥊 Do no harm, take no shit. There's a line between being kind and being a doormat. A lot of people think you exist to take from and will act like you enjoy being depleted to excuse their greed and selfishness. Don't go looking for fights, but know how to fight. Draw lines when necessary. Cut people out when necessary.3
🧠👨🏽🎤 No one is thinking about you. Just do the thing. People are too wrapped up in their own worlds to really notice yours. And if they notice and see fit to mock you, that's about them. Do the thing. Be a weird freak. Damn the man. Save the Empire.
🥳😭 This too shall pass. No feeling is final. Most fuckups and failures can be overcome. Most wins, highs, and triumphs don't last forever. Figure out how to live in that middle place.
📺💻 If you don't know what you want, you'll never get it. It's easy to fall into the trap of not knowing but assuming you'll figure it out some other day. You might not. The modern world is designed to distract you and convince you that the way to nirvana is paved with purchases. It's not.
🙏🏽🙏🏽 Apologize and make amends. You will hurt people as you move through life. You'll break hearts. You'll make people feel small, ugly, and dumb. You won't do this on purpose (unless you're a psychopath) but it will happen. We aren't born with the proper tools, and the proper tools can't be taught, only acquired. When you fuck up, apologize properly and try to make amends where you can.4
☮️☮️ Forgive and move on. Some trespasses and transgressions cannot be forgiven, but a lot of them can. If someone hurts you, find it in yourself to forgive them even if you don't actually tell them. Holding on to anger prevents growth. I have learned more from forgiving people than from holding grudges.
Footnotes:
1 I still published like a million words and won a few awards with a brain functioning at like 35% capacity. Beat that with a stick.
2 If you got the blatant MLK reference you get a gold star.
3 The last entry on this list is probably important to remember in re: line drawing/people cutting.
4 No one owes you the opportunity to make amends, but you can ask.
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